Moms, just stop.

Louisa and I went to the park on Friday. It was a beautiful day although a little chilly for my taste. However, nothing a hoodie and scarf couldn't cure. I was gearing up for a weekend as a single parent (Steve was heading down to New Orleans with some old friends) so I needed to let the little one burn as much energy as possible. We don't go to the park a lot and usually we are not there when lots of other moms and kids are there, (which is kind of how I prefer it... What? Did I say that?) but by the looks of it lots of moms were feeling the need to get out of the house that day.

I am not good at making mommy friends with strangers so I just kind of sat back and watched Lou play while listening to all the conversations around me (Obviously eaves dropping is wrong and I never do it...except all the time. Whatever. Judge if you want. There is some funny stuff to be heard if you like that sort of thing.)

One thing I realized is that all of the funny "what type of mom are you?" and "mommy wars" spoofs I watch on facebook are not far off. I thought those things were exaggerated or just people who live in LA or NYC or places where parental (and just human) competition is heightened. But this sillyness is even happening right here in Germantown.

The first thing I saw was a little boy playing with a small stick and then he simply pointed it at another child. She laughed and played along. Suddenly, his mother swooped in screaming ( in a high pitched sing song voice so as to still be positive and encouraging) "No no, Zander! We do not play with sticks that are shaped like guns. We do not believe in pointing guns at people in our family. Guns are very very harmful!" 

Whew. Crisis averted.

And then I hear 2 other moms discussing how they usually go to a different park because the play ground equipment is better for stimulating motor skills or something to that effect. But that today they mixed it up to introduce variety in their little's play experience.

And yet another mother was encouraging her daughter count each monkey bar before the grabbed it, making sure the play time was also educational.

Yall.

That was too much for a Friday. My head was spinning. I thought we were just there to slide and swing. Silly me. Call me crazy, but I think we can all just calm down. Our kids are fine and having fun. Just make sure there is no blood shed and we should be fine.

Meanwhile, this chick had no idea that there was anything else going on in the entire world. She was trying to touch the tops of the trees... And she almost did it. Pure joy.

ISO professional potty trainer

And just like that a month has passed since my last post. When last I wrote I mentioned the possibility of a post dedicated to Summy Potty Training Skills. I put out that teaser and then left my 3 readers hanging. Like a Grey's Anatomy season finale cliff hanger. Right?!? Well get out your popcorn cause here it is. I know this is going to go down as one of the most helpful and inspiring "how-to" parenting blog posts in history....or not.

Let me start by saying. God bless the potty training parents of the world. It is an ugly business. All the bad emotions and inner demons come out during this time. And not just from the toddlers. We are all doing this and we all feel each other's pain. Some more than others.

I should also say, in an effort to not completely harp on my first world problems, Thank you Lord that we have toilets that require training to use. I have seen pictures of what people in less developed societies have to use as their "facilities" and it just makes me want to cry for them. Our toilets are a blessing and a gift from God and therefore should be approached with respect. (Side note: There is something to think about ladies the next time you are on your knees scrubbing that blessed gift and wanting to curse your precious son because, while he has perfect aim with a nerf gun, somehow his aim is less than perfect when and where it counts.) Where was I?

Ah yes. Approach that throne with respect. This is the exact point I have been trying to make to my 3 year old for months now. Does she respect the toilet? Absolutely not. In fact, I think she truly believes there is a horrific poop eating monster living in it. That is the only logical explanation for the wailing and gnashing of teeth that come with every suggestion that she might want to try and potty before bed/dinner/snack/school/nap. Every time. Every day.

The Battleground

Now if you know me personally you have heard my feelings on potty training. I am not shy about it. This is my 3rd child to go through this with and I still hate it. I have no skills. No knowledge. No tricks of the trade. This is an ugly dirty battle and sadly each of my children have fought this battle very differently. Every time I want to just wave the white flag and surrender. I find myself thinking, "They are doing amazing things with Pull Ups these days. Some of those nighttime pants go up to like 60lbs. Darling child, if you want to go to Middle School wearing soggy Depends.... be my guest." While I'm perfectly fine buying stock in Pull Ups, my husband (the constant voice of reason) is not keen on the idea of letting them just naturally transition from child diapers to adult diapers.... so potty training it is.

There are a couple schools of thought on this issue. I have many friends that prefer the "boot camp" method. This is where you just put underwear on an unsuspecting toddler and all hunker down for a week until the kid manages to keep himself dry. I do know that works for some. And possibly could for me, but I am much too lazy for that plan of attack. That takes hard core mental focus to stay on task everyday and then there's all the cleaning up after the accidents. I would lose it and the authorities would take my children away from me.

I prefer the more lazy, haphazard approach of pull ups/training pants. As in, you CAN use them as underwear and I would love for you to go to the potty and practice pulling them up and down on your own. But lets be real, you are gonna pee in it like a diaper out of spite and thankfully my couch will be saved when you do so. However, even with this method there comes a time when you have to "poop or get off the pot" (pun intended, obviously). This is where we are. We have been coasting along with pull ups for long enough and now its time to rip off the band-aid and go straight to underwear. And guys, we are so close. Really we are. But this is when I start flailing. I have no plan. She knows it and I know it. I've tried everything.

1. Encouragement - "Yay! hip hip hooray! Louisa pee'ed in the potty! High five!!" Then there are songs and clapping. She liked this at first, but then she started looking at me with pity. You know, like she was embarrassed for me.

2. Bribery - We have potty charts that you get stickers every time you go. And not lame old school star stickers. No way.... Sofia the First stickers. And when you get 10 Sofia stickers you get a treat. And if you poop... well then we drop everything and go get ice cream. She lost interest in the stickers after 2 days. And then we moved on to suckers for every successful trip to the potty. That seems to be a hit at least for "number 1". BUT, In 4 months we have been to the ice cream shop once. One time. Last week. Im so tired.

I fully support bribery. This is no time to be taking the moral high road of parenting.
It's every man for himself.

3. Entertainment - This is when things start to get a little weird. But honestly Im desperate. To keep her on the toilet for longer than 3 seconds I have to get creative. Sometimes I sing or dance. There have been times when I stand on my head or cross my eyes and promise to stay that way until she pees (or until I get a horrible headache which ever comes first.) Usually we recite the ABCs or count to 20 or I get real smart and say "what's that? did you hear that? listen and see if we hear it again." It really is embarrassing.

4. Shame - Ok so, this is the point when we have both lost the will to live. I have nothing left to give and have moved so far past desperate that I crack. I start saying things like "Do you really want to be the ONLY kid in your class that doesn't go to the potty?" or "Oh well, I guess you are still a baby and we will just have to go back to real diapers." I know, I know. Im a horrible mom. But you guys don't know! You weren't there! She just looks at you with cold dead eyes and says "i don't care". She is like a gangster. Nothing rattles her.

5. Anger - enough said. Emotions run high. It gets loud. And then we must go to our separate corners. Tomorrow is a new day. Put a diaper on, say "i love you",  and get thee to bed. Mama needs a coke and chocolate.

It's all good. We will make it. We have done it before. We have already been that family with the almost 4 year old in diapers doing the walk of shame to the church nursery to be changed. It's super humbling, but it will pass. And one day when she is 16 and I am telling all her friends about these memories we will have a great laugh (well she may not... but you know payback can be rough).

When Mom is Flunking Elementary School

I'd like to take a minute to talk about what it means to be a School Mom. You guys, this is no joke. The school mom hat is literally the most difficult for me. When I was pregnant with my first child, people gave me all kinds of advice trying to prepare me for motherhood. That advice was so helpful. Motherhood rocked my world, but at least I had the wise words from smart women to get me through those first few years. But you know what know one talks about? The role of school mom. It's like a secret club. And you don't know what's going on until you are knee deep in homework, papers to sign, after school club advertisements, and PTA cupcake requests.

I was barely treading water for the first 3 years with just Amelia in school. Close to drowning but able to doggy paddle my way through the parent/teacher conferences and field trips. Thankfully, Amelia takes after her father, so she is brilliant and willing to self motivate when it comes to homework. I was tricked into thinking it was doable. Then, out of nowhere, like a punch in the face, I have 2 children in full-time public school and 1 in an awesomely proactive preschool. And guess what.... it aint going so good.

Jen Hatmaker (if I knew what spirit animals were, she would be mine) really spoke my language when she posted this a few years about about the real struggle of the "end of school" mom. I can totally relate, but sadly this is me ALL OF THE TIME. I promise you guys, I do not start off the year mothering like a champ. I'm consistently as bad at it on the first day as I am on the last. Amelia has been going to school since birth and every single new year sneaks up on me. Seriously. It's usually not even on my calendar. I have (more than once) tried to drop her off during spring break or winter break because I was totally unaware that there was a school holiday. Walt's kindergarten registration last year took me so much by surprise that I showed up with NO 5 year shot records, NO birth certificate, and NO social security card. I DID have him with me and just said... This is Walt. We have no proof of his existence, but we would very much like for him to attend this school in a few months. He's mostly healthy and really cute. They just looked at me with pity and wrote his name on an empty manilla folder.  So when I say I am always trying to catch up from behind....Im not joking.

Here is an abbreviated list of things that I am currently failing at as a school mom. Not the complete list... just the high profile screw-ups.

1. Teacher Appreciation Week(s) – Please let me start by saying I LOVE TEACHERS. My children have some of the absolute best teachers. I am so thankful that they put in the time and energy and work every day to love on my children and make them better human beings. And they need the week of appreciation. If nothing else, so that moms like me who don't think to give gifts or say "Thank you" enough will have a reminder to do those things. With that said, I never know when this week is and therefore it seems to come 7 times a year. I know that is not possible, but for the unorganized sloth that I am it sure seems that way. And of course, schools now have very specific schedules for these weeks. And the expectation of the cute pinterest inspired gifts is super high. That alone makes my head explode. But what is even better is that this year TA week follows Dr Seuss dress up week. That leads me to the next fail...

2. Fun Dress Up Days – This includes School Spirit Day, Free Dress (Non Uniform) Day, Red Ribbon Week, Dr Seuss Week, Book Character Day, Community Helper Day, 100th Day, "What do you want to be when you grow up" Day.... The list goes on and on. I totally get that these days are really fun for our sweet kids. Our school has an awesome standardized dress code which is the perfect balance between rigid uniforms and free dress. For someone like me, it's so nice to take the guess work out of getting dressed in the morning. So I can see that mixing it up every now and then is good for them. But y'all my kids are barely getting out of the house with their shoes on most days. Throw in a curve ball like "Oh yeah mom I'm supposed to dress like the Lorax tomorrow" at 7:15pm (or better yet the morning of) and I want to collapse into the fetal position.

Dr Seuss Day.
This is what you can do with a visor and construction paper
when forced to create a costume last minute.
Also, with just a little sharpie touch up on last year's Thing costume,
you are good to go. But, look how happy they are.

3. Box tops, Can drive, Library book donations – Yay for helping out the Public School System and the community! I also love that they get the kids excited about doing their part, but FOR THE LOVE! I can not seem remember to clip those teeny tiny (why aren't they bigger?) box tops or to buy extra can goods while I'm chasing 3 children around Kroger. Just last week Walt would not take "No" for an answer on the can issue so I was forced to pull from what I already had in the pantry. I can not imagine what his teacher thought when he rolled up there with canned artichokes, pureed pumpkin, mandarin oranges, and tomato paste. I mean I can actually imagine. Im sure they just shook their head, because by now I must have a reputation among the faculty. And coincidentally the class who brings in the most cans/boxtops/books is always rewarded with... you guessed it... a free dress day.

4. AR testing – So I realize AR is a little controversial anyway, but my issues are not with the concept. I just can't seem manage this in my own home. Amelia has always been a great reader (remember she takes after her father) so she has never really needed an incentive program to read more. I do, however, understand that this kind of program motivates kids who don't particularly love to read. So, anyway, while Amelia is constantly reading she simply will not be bothered to take an AR test. If you read my last post about her you can imagine her response is usually "Oh yeah. I forgot to take a test on that. Maybe I'll do that next week." And she skips off while smoke comes out of my ears. Enter Walt, who seems to be following in the super reader footsteps of his sister. (yay) Although he is only in kindergarten he is showing great potential and should be encouraged and worked with (nightly) on reading easy chapter books so that he can be one of the select few kindergarteners to start taking AR tests. Um. That's great, but can we just not? Is that bad? Would that be stunting his growth? Cause listening to a kindergartener (no matter how advanced he is) reading a chapter book is excruciating.

5. Potty Training – Although not directly related to school it is indirectly related since my youngest will not be allowed to graduate to the next preschool class if she is not potty trained. But you know what? I will save this discussion for another time. This topic really needs its own special post.

These are the top five that are really getting to me, but there are oh so many more. Homework, Signing Conduct reports, The many many after school sign ups sheets that go directly in the trash because the only after school activities we can manage are homework, dinner, and baths. And usually only 2 out of 3.

The amazing thing is I know there are moms out there rocking all of this. I see you. I applaud you. This job is not for the faint of heart and you are nailing it. Thank you for picking up the slack on the can drives and being my child's "parent" on field trips and giving those awesome pinteresty Teacher Appreciation gifts to the VERY deserving teachers. I am so thankful for women like you! Please accept my fist bump. And to the other elementary school mom flunkies... keep the faith. We all have our gifts and our kids love us for them. They will graduate even if they have to wear their uniform on free dress day because "I already ironed your uniform and you are wearing it!" Or even if they have to be dropped off in carline on "Walk to School Wednesday" because mom forgot and is still wearing her pjs and slippers. They will survive (and so will we) and will probably have some good stories to tell their kids one day.

Happy Birthday to Me.... and Amelia

So this past weekend I celebrated my 10th Mom Birthday. Not that I'm trying to make it all about me, but being a mom for 10 years is kind of a big deal. At least I think so. I think a 10th birthday is HUGE! (said exactly like Donald Trump. Or rather Jimmy Fallon as Donald Trump. You get the idea.) Try telling this to my (now) 10 year old daughter. The one for whom we actually celebrated all weekend. She was so blasé about the whole thing. That's kind of the persona she has developed. Very french. Very indifferent. I guess this is our new Pre-teen persona. It's so interesting to me because it is SO very opposite to my personality. Everything is huge and life altering and scary and happy and exhausting in my world. I live on high alert. Always. Amelia is extremely carefree. Made evident by the total lack of thought or emotion she had the other day when she asked me to sign her test with a big red "D" written on it. I said "Hold up there my usually straight "A" student. What's going on here?" Her response was remarkably relaxed and carefree "Oh yeah. That's my math test. I missed a bunch of questions because I forgot to check my work. No big deal." Ha! No big deal. That's cute. While I applaud your chill vibe it is most certainly a big deal. "Ok. Ill do better next time" and literally skips away. I was so caught off guard that I just said "Uh. Ok. You do that."  Why was there no crying? I don't know how to do confrontation or parenting in general without crying. Huh....

Anyway, back to my birthday. Because she is so, as I said, blasé about life, she informed me that she didn't want a cake or anything special for her (huge! Number 10!) birthday and just wanted to go catch a movie with some friends. Ugh. Are you kidding me?!?!? Mama NEEDS a party. Complete with cake and ice cream and singing and candles and Pinterest and balloons.... "Nah. nothing big. Maybe some cookies" Ugh Ugh. But Amelia, sweetie, Where will I put the candle for MY picture if there is no cake? (Do you a see how special I am trying to make this for Me? I mean HER.) Anyway, she politely agreed to let me put the candle in some sort of baked good so we (just family) could sing Happy Birthday. And we made special cookies for her friends to have at the movies. And when she was asleep I decorated the house and filled her room with balloons, because I just couldn't stop. All in all it was a perfect 10th birthday for both of us. She loved every second of it (even the balloons) because it was exactly what she wanted and nothing more.

Cinnamon rolls "almost" as good as birthday cake

Hedgehog cookies.
Amelia is obsessed with Hedgehogs these days. Why hedgehogs? 

I have to say, a birthday party at the movies really is the easiest thing ever.
These girls were so sweet and fun and they even let little brother tag along.
He wasn't going to miss Kung Fu Panda 3.

Mad libs and pizza with her 2 best friends.
A perfect end to her big day.

I get so excited and scared thinking about parenting "big" kids. I was scared of babies and toddlers, but their needs were more physical and less psychological. You know? I assumed that these kids would turn out to look and act just like me, but they are their own people. So unique and interesting and just fun to be around. Amelia's calm nature is truly amazing to me. She has a calm confidence that I really have never experienced. She doesn't care to have a big fuss made about her. She actually shies away from it. She has no desire to call attention to herself in a crowd or with her friends. She's happy to be their supportive friend who laughs at all the jokes, because she is just happy to be there. But then she gets on stage to act or dance or sing a solo and she shines. No nerves or awkwardness. Just complete control and confidence.

As I mentioned I am the complete opposite. I LOVE to be the center of attention. I celebrate my birthday for a whole month. Seriously, the entire month. No matter how hard I try to hold back, when I am with a group of people I always end up taking over the conversation. Feeding off the laughter of others (the Amelia's in the group). But standing on stage is absolutely terrifying to me. Singing alone? No way. I could never. I am not that confident. We are alike is so many ways, but it's our differences that really excite me and keep me on my toes.

I look forward to the next 10 years of parenting this one. She keeps it interesting.

Morning Struggles

The struggle is real.
This is a short week following a long four day weekend thanks to Presidents Day. I really do love holidays. And I love the freedom of having everyone at home with no agenda or need to get up and dressed and out the door. But allow me to complain about this wonderful gift knowing full well that this is super obnoxious of me to do so. And yes, I realize I just posted about the love and joy of SAHMotherhood. But, hey, it's a rollercoaster. Lots of ups and downs and my mood and perspective is directly related to the amount of quiet moments I have to sip my caffeine. So anyway, Monday was rough guys. It's been cold so the kids haven't played outside all weekend. It warmed up a bit for Monday, but then came the rain. AND we had HVAC work going on inside the house which made for a little extra crazy going on that day.

When they are all together couped up in the house my children start to resemble caged animals. Lots of screeching and scratching (some biting) and to put it simply... cat fighting. I decided to load them in the car to go pick up lunch because that seemed like a good distraction. I even agreed to go to multiple drive thru restaurants to please all the passengers because I am the coolest mom ever (and  the longer I have the strapped into the car the better). But even as each one is basking in the joy of his/her favorite french fries they are swatting and yelling at each other. Good Grief. At this moment I blurted out the first solution that came to my mind and said....

"Guys stop fighting! Just pretend each other doesn't exist. You are all only children today!"

Sure, that was probably not the best parenting choice, but it got the job done and I have no regrets.

We made it to Monday night which is my favorite because 12 women come to my home to discuss the Bible and drink coffee. It's a wonderful time with other grown ups and extra special because my husband handles bedtime duties at this time. We read about Abraham and Sarah and their faith and obedience and it was just what I needed to refocus my view and prepare for the next day. Tuesday.

Everyone will be so excited to return to school! It's gonna be so great, right?!?  Uh. Not so much.

I think the Holderness family summed it up with this awesome 90's tribute...

I mean this is literally the way Louisa was trying to go UP the stairs 2 minutes before we had to leave the house for school. #geniuschild

We made it only 15 min late. Which isn't too bad considering. Oh well, the weekend is around the corner, right?!? And bonus: The downstairs AND upstairs have heat now. #winning.

What's in a niche?

So here we are. It has been a whole week and Im just now sitting back down to this. I knew it would be tough. Life is crazy these days. Not just for me, I know. It is crazy for everyone. I often talk to my mom about how much more hurried and rushed we feel today compared to when I was a kid. I mean, I think that is the case. I do remember that she was overwhelmed and wild and we drove her completely nuts so maybe it wasn't so different.

Looking back and thinking of my mom during those years is part of why I want to write this blog. She was so busy working and being a mom and cleaning and cooking and managing the household budget and driving us all over town. I watched her and it was hard for her. All she ever really wanted to do was be at home with us. She was a Home Economics major and that was (and still is) her passion. She worked because it was necessary for us to do all the extras that we wanted to do. So even when working she was doing it for us.

Thankfully, I have this opportunity to be at home. To run the daily operations of the Summy household and not have to juggle with it another job outside these walls. I have mad respect for all those moms who do what my mom did. That's a lot of hats and I personally couldn't wear them all.

So back to what this has to do with my writing. I've had this desire to write for a while. Really since being at home. I have a lot of words in my head and I want to get them out. My kids don't really want to hear them. And neither does my husband. Why not put them out there for the internet to read? But here's the problem... and I am just being honest... I don't read blogs. I rarely read at all, but I really never read a blog. So how does one write something she would never read herself? Seems a little hypocritical. Right? I don't read long blogs because I don't really have time to sit and read. I see posts that look interesting and think "Oh. I need to come back to that one. maybe next time I'm alone in bathroom." Seriously, that's what I think (Full disclosure). However, I never actually come back to those because there are 1000 other interesting posts that come across my newsfeed before I get a chance. At least my intentions are good.

So that got me thinking. What would I write that would not be the same Mom stuff that is already out there. Someone else has written every single thing from every different perspective about being a Mom. And they have done it better than I could. Im not an authority on anything. Fashion? Uh no. Cooking? Nope. Healthy Lifestyle? absolutely not. Example of the perfect Godly wife and mum? Please don't make me laugh! The internet is full of really smart people writing about things that they know and encouraging other people to listen as they drop some knowledge on the subject. That is what I was missing. The topic. The niche. That thing that reigns in all of these random thoughts and turns them into something special. Without it I was writing without a purpose. And I need a purpose for everything. It's a sickness. Without purpose things hardly seem necessary or worth while.

I promise I have a point.... I will try to get to it now. I haven't ironed out all the details, but I think my purpose is my kids. Like my mom, I seem to have found/stumbled upon the joy of motherhood. It didn't happen immediately for me and it didn't happen all at once. I dug my heels in for years trying to do something "more important" and "more profitable" and just "more" than being a mom. But now I get it. I've spent the last 2 years reading the Bible cover to cover and I have noticed how my perspective/world view has changed. God has shown me This IS it. THIS is what Im made for. My one job. Love these kids and do it well. They see me screw this up every single day... sometimes as early as 9am. But every day I learn something from them. Something from God. Something from the world. And that is why I will write. I want to tell them all these things. I want them to have a front row seat to the craziness in their mom's head and hopefully learn a little something too.

So to Amelia, Walt, and Louisa. Enjoy. I will drop all my mom knowledge on you. And I will most definitely embarrass you (and myself) in the process.

A new beginning

A new beginning. A new start. This could be fun.

I've been thinking for a while now that I want to revive my blog. I spend a lot of time posting on facebook and from what I hear, I am skilled in the way of status updates. I don't like to brag. It's not really something I ever do, but Im not even really sure if that is something one can actual brag about. It is such a random thing to be good at, and (as my husband says) it just about the least marketable skill a person could possess. So what does that have to do with a blog? Well, my facebook statuses seem to be getting longer and longer and more frequent. Apparently I have a lot of useless thoughts that I feel must be publicized immediately (well after carefully edited, of course). So in an attempt to stop clogging up my friends' news feeds and shorten my updates to something more "statusy" like "Does if have to be raining again? #wherestheark", I have decided to unload some of my extra words and random thoughts on this blog. Some of these thoughts will be super intelligent and some of them will be like "When will Jimmy Fallon realize that he and I really could be best friends if he would give me a chance? And also if he could bring his friend JT along with him that would be great."

I'm making no promises that I will be able to keep this up. And really, who cares? Without a scrolling news feed platform I don't expect to have many readers. That's perfectly fine. Im just rambling anyway.

So here's to new beginnings. Hope you guys still love me after you read the unabbreviated version of my thoughts. Because, it can get a little crazy up in here.