Start Small and Don't Be Afraid to Pivot

I stumbled upon this blog today and actually laughed out loud when I saw my last entry. January 2020. Wow, that seems like a lifetime ago. January 2020 Annah Mary was so hopeful and excited about a new start and a new year after a "difficult" end to 2019. She had no idea what was coming just right around the corner. She was just talking about Lean Cuisines and staying off the internet like the biggest worldwide event was not about to rock her world. She was so innocent. I kind of miss her.

"My hope is that I can make a real effort to rest and breathe this year. To read books and drink coffee. To play piano and bake bread. To pray and worship and to pray some more. These are things that were missing in 2019. I want to bring them back."

The last 2 years have been a challenge for us all. Sometimes Im still shocked at how it took us by surprise and how we thought it would last maybe a few weeks. And then we wrapped our brains around the idea of a pandemic, the social and political exploded. 

But I did accomplish some of her goals. Rest more. We were quarantined for months and forced to slow down. So that is sort of a rest. Read books. I read more books in 2020 than i have read in my whole life. It's amazing what being cooped up in your home for half a year will do for your ability to finish a book. Bake Bread. How did I know we would all be baking bread? Boy did I ever accomplish this goal. My waistline is still trying to recover from all bread that was made and consumed in this house.

2020 and 2021 changed us all in good ways and in bad. So much happened in the world and in my heart and mind that I can even wrap my head around if I want to write about it here. 

For now I will make my usual new year plans and resolutions. I'm a little more jaded and realistic this time. My goals are less lofty and specific. Instead, I have been thinking about what was missing in my life the last year... creativity. The last two years have been a time of worry, soul searching, growth, and survival. There was very little space for the beauty of art. My soul longs for it, but I am out of practice. This year, I hope to train myself to create again. 

I resolve not to give up on myself if I fall behind. I will allow myself the space to start small and restart if necessary. Maybe that is what I have learned most in the last 2 years. Be patient with yourself and the process and don't be afraid to pivot.